We were like two ships passing in the night. I would wake up and head to the hospital first thing in the morning, coffee in hand, heart heavy and anxiety ridden. I would stay all day for several care sessions and you would meet me at after work. We’d spend a few minutes catching up about the babys “stats” that day, you would stay for a little while to visit and I would head home. By the time you got home and walked in the door- I was already sleeping from exhaustion.
We repeated this routine for nearly two months until we finally brought our first son home from the hospital. I was a shell of a person during that time. Down, distant, confused and stressed. Fighting every day alongside our son took every bit of my being. There wasn’t much left for anything else. And you… you waited for me.
This wasn’t the last time you have waited for me. I can remember the fog of parenting a toddler while pregnant. The exhaustion. The hormones. The anxiety. The trying to potty train, transition to a big boy bed, work full time but still be a good mom and take care of my growing body phase of life. It was intense and I was lost. But you, you waited.
Then came parenting a toddler while having another baby in the NICU. Another out of body experience. Another emotional rollercoaster. Another time when I wasn’t “myself”. Another time, you waited.
There have been a several times since then and there will be more in the future. Rather than getting frustrated or upset with the mothering fog I am in, you wait for it to lift. Sometimes it’s a few hours, sometimes it’s a few days. There have also been times when it has been several weeks. But you patiently wait.
You give me a few minutes to catch my breath… and wait until I find my way back.
You wait for me when I need it the most.
You wait for me without asking.
You wait for me with the most love in your heart.
And I am forever grateful.